I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
