I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
