i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
