I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
