Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
