just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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