you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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