I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
