oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
