Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You can't motorboat a personality
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
