I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
