Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
