3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
handjob tips. give me some.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We left an ass print on the piano.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
