You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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