Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
