the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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