Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
