a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
