i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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