can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
