Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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