If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
