Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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