If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
