can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
