Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
