My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
