Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
