dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
