Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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