Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
