He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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