Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
