I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
