I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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