I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
