I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
