I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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