shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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