Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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