how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
