i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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