Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
