I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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