I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
