I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize