Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
