p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
