I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
