my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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