he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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