woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize