Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
