I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
