I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
