I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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