we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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