the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
