I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
false alarm, still single
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
