Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
