Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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