pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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