I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
