Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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