is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
