just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
