He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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