If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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