im six kinds of drunk right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
