Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
