be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
