Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm passing your future prison.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
