There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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