Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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