I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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