Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
