Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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