this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
