Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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