So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
