I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
