Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
