I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
