Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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