so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
